Change

So it's time I told you about the "more personal" thing happening in my life right now, that I mentioned in the previous blog, but didn't specify.

I want to touch upon religion here for a bit. I know this is a real controversial subject to talk about, but it's something that has changed my life for the better, and I thought you should all know. I know many of you will have your different opinions, and may even judge, but just remember who your resources are when you hear things about this particular church.

I am getting baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on the 13th of this month. This is a really big thing for me, and I could not be more happy with my decision.

7 months ago, if someone had mentioned religion in the same room as me, I would want to get out of that conversation as quickly as possible. I was uncomfortable and considered myself agnostic. Up until I was 12 years old I was a true believer in God. I prayed every night, and could feel the Holy Spirit with me.

I'm not saying this is the reason I fell away from the church, but when my parents got a divorce we stopped attending. That was at the age of 12. Ever since then I was "lost". I only prayed when I felt something was really really important to do so, and I never felt the Spirit with me at all. I was too hard-headed and thought completely logically about everything. It didn't help that all my classes through college were science, including evolution, the "Big Bang Theory", and so on. I still think logically, but there are ways that science and religion can work together, and I never really thought about that until I read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown last year. Yes, it is a fictional book, but it got me thinking more about religion, although I still did not consider myself involved in any church. I didn't want to go back to the Catholic church, and didn't feel comfortable in any others I had attended.

This summer I had a spiritual experience. If you want to know the details, just ask, but I won't put the whole experience on here, it's too much for everyone to know. But to make a long story short, at the time I was working in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, the most beautiful place on earth in my opinion. I had that beauty in front of me every day, and finally it dawned on me, like a switch getting turned on inside me, that there is a God. And he "told" me (when it hit me I had these feelings of strength and energy and just having suddenly known that this was the right thing) to change my life around. Move out of Arizona where I was unhappy, and to go somewhere else (little did I know He wanted me to move to Utah where I could be submerged in the church, since 90% of the people here are LDS!) where I could find Him again.

Even after that switch came on, I still didn't know WHERE to go, or what religion to join, but a good friend of mine introduced me to the Book of Mormon, just to see what it was all about. It was nothing like I thought it was. Most people think of "Mormons" with a stereotype. That they are polygamists (false!!), that the woman is treated like a 50's housewife (false!), that they're hypocritical and racist (false!), that they are satanists (um.... completely and totally false!). People also think that the Book of Mormon is LDS members' Bible.... noooo, it is simply another testament of Jesus Christ, and they follow both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, together. I don't know how these stereotypes and falsings are spread, but I think that so many people are just against the idea of a "new religion" that they take small things they hear from people outside the church and automatically think that's the way all LDS members are. I know I didn't like the religion a year ago. But once I read the Book of Mormon, I believed it was true (and remember, I am a logical thinker!). I did a lot of research, outside the church as well, and as long as I kept it unbiased, all my questions were answered and I decided it's true to me. I do believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. A year ago I thought he was a crock. All I had to do was read the Book of Mormon and the more I read, the more I believed it was true. There are too many reasons why I believe that to write them all down, but please ask if you want to know. I kept a notebook that I completely filled up with notes as I read the Book of Mormon. It took me 4 months to read because of all the notes I took and questions I listed that I had answered. I read other materials as well. I also had missionary lessons twice a week.

Please do not judge this religion before you ask questions. And please come to me with your questions, not someone inactive, or not members because those people just don't know! I love to get questions from people about it, because if I don't know the answer, I will find out. But I just know that my life has changed drastically since I decided to be baptized. I am so happy now, and each day I strive to be a better person. This truly is the religion for me, and I never thought I'd say that just 7 months ago!

I have been really nervous in telling my family members and friends back at home, since none of them are LDS (and it's hard to understand when you haven't really tried to figure it out), but I'm doing it now, proudly. I can't stress enough, come to me for questions.

And many of you might think I did this for a boy or something.... well that is false. I did this for me and for me only. I am not seeing anyone right now, but I do wish to be married in the temple someday where marriages are sealed for eternity in our beliefs (and one of my friends had "heard" (from a bad source obviously) that it costs $10,000 to be married in the temple. Um... it's FREE. No charge! You just have to be following the commandments! Just to show you really have to know your sources before you judge.).

If you do have questions or comments, please email me, hollandbanks@gmail.com and I will be happy to answer, no matter the question. Remember I used to think negatively about this religion, so I will understand if you have negative feelings about it. But I should be able to answer your questions just fine.


P.S. I could not be more happy how supportive my mom has been through this whole investigation of the church process I've been going through. She is attending my baptism and this makes me so happy I can't even express it in words.