Finally!

I bought myself my very own guitar! It is beautiful. It's a Seagull Original S6 acoustic guitar, and it plays beautifully. I am so stoked. I played quite a bit when I lived in Newport, OR (2008), but since then I have barelly touched a guitar, so I have to re-learn some stuff. But after playing it about 5 hours today, when I no longer could play without making my fingertips bleed, I am back, baby!

Stencils

So my friend Ammon is in a photography class at BYU, and one of the projects he was working on was making stencils in a light source to bend over a human eye! So I was his guinea pig ;). Look closely and you can see the "EYE".... (not photoshopped!!)

Hiking and Sledding Rock Canyon

Lately my roommate Chrissie and I have been out hiking in Rock Canyon just outside Provo. We're still getting a little snow off-and-on here, but we mostly have to go in the canyons to find the good stuff. We explored some caves a few days ago, and yesterday we went sledding. The entire trail is a slight incline, so we can just coast down the whole trail! Some patches were intensely fast and crazy though! Enjoy the video.... I bruised my butt so bad on this run that it's now black and blue and it hurts to sit!!

How I Bruised my Butt. Make sure your sound is on.

It's Official

So I am officially a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! I was baptized on the 13th of February, a day to remember the rest of my life.

It was an amazing experience, and I have been so happy and grateful, and have had a warm feeling of the Spirit with me ever since. I know that's weird to a lot of people reading this that I went from an agnostic hippie to a church girl (with a little hippie still in me of course ;) ) but it's real and I love it. So a little about the baptism:

About 50-60 people attended, all people that are very close to me, and people I have just met in my ward who are amazing. There was so much love in the room, I have never felt so blessed. My good friend Ammon gave an incredible talk, and Caradon, Lindsay and Samantha, my 3 sistas from when I was really young, sang the most beautiful song, called "Olive Tree".

The actual baptism itself was so surreal. I felt like I was in another world as I was stepping in the font (it's like a small pool), where Bryce, my long-time friend of 11 years, baptized me. It felt as though the world had stopped during that 2 minutes that I was in the font. Latter-day Saints are completely immersed when baptized, so Bryce dunked me backwards after saying a prayer, and when I came out of the water I felt light as a feather. A lot of people cried. Everyone in the room felt the Spirit. A lot of people came to me after, even still today, to tell me I changed their life, and that night makes them want to be a better person. I am so happy to have touched so many hearts that moment.

Several people then came up to bear their testimonies while I was changing, and said some really wonderful things about me that I unfortunately didn't get to hear :(. But I heard a lot about them. Then Lindsay and her beautiful daughter Audrey sang "A Child's Prayer", a song that makes me tear up whenever I hear them sing it (this was the 2nd time I heard them sing this song). One of my best friends Jared then gave a second talk, which was pretty wonderful as well. Bishop Kokkola then welcomed me to the ward.

Afterward about 20 of us went out for pizza and had a bonfire on Utah Lake till 1 in the morning. But something that made this day most special, other than the fact that I was baptized, was that my mom came. It was so great to have her there next to me, and everyone thought she was just the sweetest person. She even came out to the bonfire with my friends and me! She loved every minute of the weekend, and is so so happy she was able to come out and see the baptism, meet my amazing friends, and to see where I live so she feels less bad about me NOT living in Oregon.

The next day was my confirmation in the the church, and of receiving the Holy Ghost. 10 men in the priesthood surrounded me in front of everyone at church, and each put one hand on my head, while Bishop Kokkola gave a wonderful prayer welcoming me to the ward. I wish I could have gotten the whole weekend on tape because this is going to be something I will want to remember always. I will never forget it, but I'm afraid to lose details.

I am so thankful for everyone that came, and for people that couldn't come that have been so supportive. I have come so far, and am happier now than I have ever been. Now every day I strive to be a better person, and to do something great for at least one person a day. I feel so pure and clean now that all my sins are washed away! I have to keep it up of course, though ;).

Change

So it's time I told you about the "more personal" thing happening in my life right now, that I mentioned in the previous blog, but didn't specify.

I want to touch upon religion here for a bit. I know this is a real controversial subject to talk about, but it's something that has changed my life for the better, and I thought you should all know. I know many of you will have your different opinions, and may even judge, but just remember who your resources are when you hear things about this particular church.

I am getting baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints on the 13th of this month. This is a really big thing for me, and I could not be more happy with my decision.

7 months ago, if someone had mentioned religion in the same room as me, I would want to get out of that conversation as quickly as possible. I was uncomfortable and considered myself agnostic. Up until I was 12 years old I was a true believer in God. I prayed every night, and could feel the Holy Spirit with me.

I'm not saying this is the reason I fell away from the church, but when my parents got a divorce we stopped attending. That was at the age of 12. Ever since then I was "lost". I only prayed when I felt something was really really important to do so, and I never felt the Spirit with me at all. I was too hard-headed and thought completely logically about everything. It didn't help that all my classes through college were science, including evolution, the "Big Bang Theory", and so on. I still think logically, but there are ways that science and religion can work together, and I never really thought about that until I read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown last year. Yes, it is a fictional book, but it got me thinking more about religion, although I still did not consider myself involved in any church. I didn't want to go back to the Catholic church, and didn't feel comfortable in any others I had attended.

This summer I had a spiritual experience. If you want to know the details, just ask, but I won't put the whole experience on here, it's too much for everyone to know. But to make a long story short, at the time I was working in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, the most beautiful place on earth in my opinion. I had that beauty in front of me every day, and finally it dawned on me, like a switch getting turned on inside me, that there is a God. And he "told" me (when it hit me I had these feelings of strength and energy and just having suddenly known that this was the right thing) to change my life around. Move out of Arizona where I was unhappy, and to go somewhere else (little did I know He wanted me to move to Utah where I could be submerged in the church, since 90% of the people here are LDS!) where I could find Him again.

Even after that switch came on, I still didn't know WHERE to go, or what religion to join, but a good friend of mine introduced me to the Book of Mormon, just to see what it was all about. It was nothing like I thought it was. Most people think of "Mormons" with a stereotype. That they are polygamists (false!!), that the woman is treated like a 50's housewife (false!), that they're hypocritical and racist (false!), that they are satanists (um.... completely and totally false!). People also think that the Book of Mormon is LDS members' Bible.... noooo, it is simply another testament of Jesus Christ, and they follow both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, together. I don't know how these stereotypes and falsings are spread, but I think that so many people are just against the idea of a "new religion" that they take small things they hear from people outside the church and automatically think that's the way all LDS members are. I know I didn't like the religion a year ago. But once I read the Book of Mormon, I believed it was true (and remember, I am a logical thinker!). I did a lot of research, outside the church as well, and as long as I kept it unbiased, all my questions were answered and I decided it's true to me. I do believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. A year ago I thought he was a crock. All I had to do was read the Book of Mormon and the more I read, the more I believed it was true. There are too many reasons why I believe that to write them all down, but please ask if you want to know. I kept a notebook that I completely filled up with notes as I read the Book of Mormon. It took me 4 months to read because of all the notes I took and questions I listed that I had answered. I read other materials as well. I also had missionary lessons twice a week.

Please do not judge this religion before you ask questions. And please come to me with your questions, not someone inactive, or not members because those people just don't know! I love to get questions from people about it, because if I don't know the answer, I will find out. But I just know that my life has changed drastically since I decided to be baptized. I am so happy now, and each day I strive to be a better person. This truly is the religion for me, and I never thought I'd say that just 7 months ago!

I have been really nervous in telling my family members and friends back at home, since none of them are LDS (and it's hard to understand when you haven't really tried to figure it out), but I'm doing it now, proudly. I can't stress enough, come to me for questions.

And many of you might think I did this for a boy or something.... well that is false. I did this for me and for me only. I am not seeing anyone right now, but I do wish to be married in the temple someday where marriages are sealed for eternity in our beliefs (and one of my friends had "heard" (from a bad source obviously) that it costs $10,000 to be married in the temple. Um... it's FREE. No charge! You just have to be following the commandments! Just to show you really have to know your sources before you judge.).

If you do have questions or comments, please email me, hollandbanks@gmail.com and I will be happy to answer, no matter the question. Remember I used to think negatively about this religion, so I will understand if you have negative feelings about it. But I should be able to answer your questions just fine.


P.S. I could not be more happy how supportive my mom has been through this whole investigation of the church process I've been going through. She is attending my baptism and this makes me so happy I can't even express it in words.

Recap of 2009

Last year I wrote a "Recap of 2008". I just read it and I can't believe how things can change in just one year.

So beginning of 2009 my New Years Resolution was to no longer eat meat! I decided to be a pseudo-vegetarian and still eat fish, but beef, pork, and chicken were out of the picture. That resolution lasted 6 months, since I worked at Reds Meadow for the summer where I desperately needed the protein (more on that later). It was interesting, because although I felt like I was eating healthier, I gained 12 pounds, something I have never been able to do! I'm thinking it was because of all the pasta I made though ;).

I was living in Chandler, AZ, with my boyfriend Erik. I had moved in in October of 2008, and things were pretty good between us through 2009, but I was not happy where I was. I was not finding a job, and although I had a full month of job-shadowing at a vet hospital, they still wouldn't hire me, and after that I wanted to give up! I got pretty depressed and moody (and I hate myself when I'm like that), and decided when April rolled around that I would work at Reds Meadow again that summer, a place where I have grown up every summer, riding horses in the backcountry and taking people on dayrides. Up until then I was spending my time hiking and exploring the state of Arizona, which was a blast of course, but once it started getting in the 90's it was time to be stuck inside. I had made a lot of really great friends down there, whom I will never forget and hope to continue to keep in touch with, but come June I had to go to the California High Sierras to work and cool off! Here are some of the places I visited in Arizona when I lived there. It's a pretty amazing state, not many people know that.

I started working in the Sierras in June, after one full year of being unemployed. Some of my best friends work there, so it was like being with family all summer. I made a decent amount of money, especially in tips, and lost the 12 pounds I had gained in Arizona.

Then things started happening in my life that made me think about whether or not I really belonged in Arizona. One day the light just came on in my head as I was on a hike by myself in the backcountry. I realized it was time to move on, once again in life, and to find happiness again. I got the courage to tell Erik I was moving out, and we broke up. I moved out after the summer job was over, and road-tripped by myself from Arizona to Oregon, my car full of my life. It was hard, but I felt good about it at the same time because I was excited about what the next chapter in my life would entail. Erik and I had been together 7 years (on and off), so this was a huge change I was making for myself.

On the way up from Arizona I stayed with friends in Utah for a week and a half. I had never been to Utah, and always thought it was a place that was desolate and boring, even more so than Arizona... but it wasn't. There was so much outdoor activities to do there, I was amazed! Not to mention some of my oldest best friends lived there and it was great to see them again.

After that week and a half, I drove back to the Sierra Nevadas in California for the Fall Horse Drive, (just as fun as the Spring Horse Drive, but not as many people that worked there could make it, so that made it less fun for me). That was a 3-day excursion, and afterward I finished my road-trip onto Oregon.

I was sure I'd find a job pretty quickly in Oregon, considering there is actually WILDLIFE there, but I didn't. I was there for a month looking like crazy for jobs, and remembered how much I enjoyed Utah. I started job searching online for jobs in Utah as well.... still to find nothing. The economy was still too bad for wildlife positions anywhere, and even other Oregon jobs I was applying for wouldn't hire me.

This is where things began to change pretty fast. A couple of my best friends, Bryce and Jared, came up from CA so we could (yet again) road-trip to Wyoming for a friend's wedding. It was a great trip, and on the way back we stopped in Utah again for a few days. After just one day of job searching there, I obtained a job in less than 24 hours for a photography/camera store called Inkley's. This was really exciting to me since my passion at this time was indeed photography! And what a better place to work than a shop like that where I could learn so much more. Only thing was, they wanted me ASAP. So I had 4 days to move out of my parents' home in Oregon and drive BACK to Utah (after driving back to Oregon with Bryce and Jared in the first place). I did it easier than I thought I could; had 2 days to pack, and 2 days to hang out with friends and family. My best friend Danika had her first baby, Asher, on August 30th, so leaving him was tough!! But I love to have a few months in between seeing him to really see how much he grows and changes.

Arriving back in Utah, I stayed with a friend, Amanda, until I found a home for myself (which I found and was able to move into within 48 hours). Seriously, could things change any faster for me?! Only 2 weeks ago I was living with my parents in Oregon depressed because I wasn't finding a job. Now I had a home, a job, and a new exciting place to live with so many places to explore and things to photograph! Oh AND, I have a new photography site with all my photography! It's a blog as well (since I can't afford a real website yet), and you can find it in the top right of this page.

So that leads to where I am now. I'm really enjoying Utah, the "greatest snow on Earth", the friends I have out here, and my job. I have so much more to tell you about some more personal things going on in my life, but that I will save for another day. Meanwhile, Happy New Year!!!

The Holidays

This Christmas I was able to go home to Oregon for a week. Of course during that time I had to go to the Oregon coast and get my whale fix in (which I did, and I saw one), on a beautiful clear warm day (warm compared to what I'm used to in Utah!). I went with my mom and brother, and we had a grand ol' time, climbed Yaquina Head Lighthouse, and had sushi on the bayfront after watching the sea lions. I loved living in Newport two years ago (my how time flies!) and I would love to live on the coast again. I've missed the smells, the sounds, and the scenery!

Christmas was great, as always, with our traditional dinner (honey-baked ham, yams with browned marshmallows, strawberry/banana/pineapple jello salad, mashed potatoes, green beans with toasted almonds, and of course pumpkin and pecan pies), and the grandparents. Ha, the way I put that sounds like we ate the grandparents, but no, this is not true, they were with us ;). My grandma has diabetes but she is doing quite well lately, better than she has been since she was first diagnosed. When her blood sugar level is high, it's scary: She forgets everything, and she's always in a bad mood... but when it's low, like it has been, she is so loving and happy and energetic! It's really great to see that.



Before the break, my co-worker and friend, Ammon, took me to Temple Square in Salt Lake City since I had never been and really wanted to see the temple and tabernacle. The grounds were beautiful, and the temple is incredible. It's amazing to see the carvings on the outside and the different symbols engraved in the walls. It took 40 years to build, and was completed in 1893.

The Mormon Tabernacle

Something my family is very proud of is my brother Michaelbanks, and his school's success in making the Rose Bowl this year for Oregon (University of Oregon). He is in the band for the football team, and was able to play in the Rose Parade (something I have always wanted to be in, but on a horse ;) ). He also played during the game, and before the game (which I have not watched yet since I don't have a tv) they did a close-up on JUST HIM for a good 10 seconds at the beginning of a song. Like he opened the show. Pretty awesome! Can't wait to see it. Here is Michaelbanks:

I was back in Utah for New Years Eve, and spent it with good people. It was really chill, but that's just what I wanted after a long day of traveling!

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season!! Happy New Year :).